So like my last post said, I was crossing my fingers extremely tight in the hopes that when I stepped on the scale Monday I would see a number in the 150s. Well, that was not the case. I got on and still saw 160.4 - I didn't freak out too badly, at least I didn't gain. I have found in the past that sometimes my Tuesday weigh-in gives me a huge drop so I stayed positive and thought it would be the same this time. Nope. Instead I saw 160.6 - again, not freaking out too much, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, "It will happen tomorrow." And did it? NOPE! Today - 160.4 ... again! Or should I say still? I was pissed. I HATE seeing the same number day in and day out, especially when I'm so close to a new decade.

By the time I got to work I was still steaming. I turned on my computer to find an email from one of our editors saying he had bought Dunkin Donuts for the office. Normally I would have stayed at my desk until the stampede came by and cleared them out, but not today. I went in and grabbed one. Then about a half hour later I grabbed another. Then, another hour or so later, I grabbed the last one in the box. Three donuts in about four hours. What an accomplishment! I should have felt devastated, but honestly... I don't care. My mind set is awful but I'm looking at those donuts as a big "f*%$ you" to whatever the heck is going on inside me right now. If I'm going to be stuck, then I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want!

After about three bites into the third donut I kind of snapped out of my rage. I went on the Dunkin Donuts website and looked up the three donuts I had consumed - a total of about 900 calories. Well, worse things have happened I suppose. I decided to look at today as a jump off course and I'll start fresh tomorrow. Does that mean I'm going to eat like crap the rest of the day? No. I'm actually not going to eat anything else today except a reasonable dinner. I probably won't follow Medifast guidelines for my dinner, but I figure as long as I hit a 400-500 calorie meal I'll be fine. I also decided I'll hit up the gym tonight since I now have some extra calories to burn. After dinner and working out I hope to settle in around 1300 for the day. Not horrible; not Medifast, but hopefully not something that will deter me from moving down.

I'm just irritated at how slow I am moving. It's not like this donut situation is a frequent occurance. I am good, really good, 99.9% of the time. I keep asking myself why it's taking me so long. Even on days when I have a tiny bit of extra protein, or use a little more than two tablespoons of peanut butter, I'm not consuming more than 1100 calories tops! I should still be losing faster than I am. Honestly I'm starting to get fed up. I'm not going to quit or anything like that, but I really need to start seeing some positive things coming my way regarding the scale. Everyone keeps saying, "Well measure or feel it in your cloths." I am currently wearing a pair of jeans that fit me when I moved to Chicago, before I gained my "homesick weight" as I like to call it. And they fit fine. They aren't loose. They aren't starting to be too big. They are fine. Perfect size. What does that mean? That means that I haven't really lost inches either.

Ugh - I need to be done for now because I'm just pissing myself off. I need good numbers - now!