My weigh-ins for the past two days have gotten me really worked up - not in a bad way, in a good way. Yesterday I weighed-in at 160.6 and today 160.4 - why am I worked up? Well ... I really, really, REALLY want to be in the 150s by tomorrow. I want to step on that scale and see a new decade! If I don't, I'm going to be very, very upset. I have alluded to something in previous posts that I have not completely come right out and shared, and although I probably will keep this detail private, it is definitely something that is pushing me to make that scale cooperate. This "event" so-to-speak is taking place in the next two or three weeks, and by that time I want to be SOLIDLY landed in the mid-150s. I'd actually like to be in the LOW-150s but I'm trying to be realistic. My set backs these last two months have really set me behind the curve and now I'm scrambling to make up for lost time.

During my last round of Medifast, I only lasted a little over three months. I started at 175 in late-September and my lowest weigh-in was roughly 149 early-January. This next month to be is a critical one for me. I need to make it past the hump. I am going on my fourth month on the program, and this is around the time I decided enough was enough, and although I was about ten pounds lighter than I am now my decision to quit was not because I was happy with me weight. It was because I grew tired of the whole process. I got sick of all of my Medifast meals. I hated that I had to constantly think about what each cheat was doing to me (I cheated a lot during my first round of Medifast, and felt guilty every time). I wanted to be young and enjoy my friends and enjoy the show I had just been cast in. Looking back it was the worst mistake of my life. But the "decision" to stop was not a decision at all. Slowly, and without really even realizing it, I began to stop eating Medifast food. I would pick up McDonald's on the way to work instead of eating oatmeal before I left my house. I would opt for some fruit and chocolate sauce over my usual evening brownie. I traded in my legal lean and greens for meals with potatoes, bread, and pasta. All of a sudden I was completely off plan. I wasn't too worried about it because I was feeling okay where I was (weight-wise) and decided to take a couple months off to finish my show, then jump right back on when the show was over. It never happened. By the end of the show's run I had gained back about two-thirds of what I had lost, and had gotten back into habits that were once again difficult to break. So, that was that.

This time I have to make this work. I am not going to be a life-long dieter. I am not going to have to constantly worry about what I'm eating, if I'm getting too many calories, did I burn enough at the gym... I want to enjoy food and enjoy life and enjoy being young and happy. I feel like weight loss is one of the hardest things to overcome. Once I conquer it, I can conquer anything! And this time, I need to actually conquer it!