Here I am, another five days have gone by without posting. It's like my brain has taken a vacation lately. I kept telling myself, "I don't really have anything to write about," so I just haven't. And ironically, my scale has been punishing me in return. I am back up to 169.0 and have been teetering around it for days. Every morning this week I have woken up and stepped on the scale with hope, only to be disappointed. Then I tell myself I'm not going to weigh the next day, but what do I do? The next morning, sure as I'm sitting here typing this, I wake up, walk to the scale, and step on with that new hope that maybe this time it will go down. It's been a bad week, let's just say that. I keep wondering what the heck is going on.

I started working out on Tuesday. I went for about an hour and did 30 minutes on the arc trainer (my FAVORITE machine of all time - hardly any gyms have these, but my new one does!), about 5/10 minutes on some arm machines, and the remainder of the time walking at a moderate pace on the treadmill with a high incline. It wasn't a hard work out, in other words, and so I doubt this increase of activity caused such a stall. Another theory is my candy dish at work. Sitting up at the front of the office I have a dish of candy on my desk of everyone to pick from - the downside, I pick from it too. I've been smart in not buying candy with tons of sugar or chocolate or caramel goodness - mainly sucking candies, sugar free mostly. However, throughout the day, I do catch myself grabbing a few. At most I'm adding an extra 100 calories to my day, but maybe the carbs have something to do with it? So, I moved the candy dish to the other side of the office this morning. So far, so good. But I usually didn't grab for the sweets until mid-afternoon when I got restless and wanted to go home. Yet another theory, water intake. Although I have been better on my water this week than before, it still isn't as much as I should be getting. Another, maybe because I am starting my period next week - my first one off birth control in three years. I could go on and on, but frankly, it doesn't matter why I'm stalled.

What matters, is that I am! And I'm distracted. I haven't tried any new recipes this week. I haven't been on the forum boards a whole lot. I feel like I am so focused on the end of the program that I'm getting impatient with the program itself. Maybe it's just a hard week. Maybe I'll step on the scale tomorrow and see a number that makes me smile. But either way, I shouldn't stress! I keep telling myself I know this program works, and it does, so what the scale says really shouldn't matter. I wish I were one of those people who never weighed, who could just trust the program and leave it be. I guess my mom has started weighing every four days. Why she chose four as her number, I have no idea, but I guess it's helped her avoid seeing gains and stay stable. But I don't think it would work for me, I'd be too anxious.

Why am I distracted? Well, I've decided I miss being in shows and don't want to wait until goal to start audition again. There is an audition on Sunday for a show called Little Women and it's a show I've wanted to be in for a long, long time. I started off doing musical theatre only in college productions, then auditioned for my first non-educational show called bare: a pop opera, back in the summer of 2010. I had never heard of bare before, and only auditioned for it because the next show in this company's season was ... you guessed it ... Little Women. This production, unfortunately, was cancelled due to a change in staff at the company, but the role of Jo still stuck in my mind. Now, I have another chance to play her, and being more experienced than I was back then I think I may have a decent shot. Little Women is not a very commonly done show, and so I don't want to miss out on it because I'm not at goal yet. Fortunately, Jo doesn't need to be a certain weight, so not being at goal won't necessarily hold me back. Unfortunately, however, I'm scared. I've only been preparing for the audition and it's taken complete focus off my diet. I have still been on plan but I've been doing it mindlessly - just going through the motions. I'm nervous that if I do end up getting cast in this show it will be just like Rent all over again and I'll fall off the wagon. I guess I won't know until I try, but I really hope I don't make a mistake...