First of all, let me apologize for my absence this last week. As stated in my last post, my laptop died a week ago today, leaving me without a computer at home. Once I purchased my new laptop (Wednesday night) I was busy setting it up, getting my programs reinstalled, etc. Normally I would have written from work, but I had a huge project to get done by end of business Friday. Today things are back to normal, with a new laptop at home, and more free time at work again. Now, onto my post...

Everyone always says if you don't have the right reasons for losing weight, you will most likely gain it back. This isn't saying that everyone who loses weight for the wrong reasons gains it back, but more often than not - if you don't have a good reason, you don't have good restraint long term. When someone asks me, "Sam, why are you losing weight?" I usually respond with something along the lines of my career. In order to have a successful performing career, nine times out of ten you need to be thin and fit - especially with the voice type I have. And yes, my career is one of my main reasons for losing weight. But, it definitely is not the only reason - or even the top reason if I'm being completely honest.

My number one reason for losing weight ... is vanity. I am 24 years old and I feel like most of my youth has been wasted on being fat. I've missed out on so many opportunities because of my chub, and I don't want to spend the rest of my twenties feeling that way. I want to go to a club and know I will meet a cute guy, and not only will he be cute, but he will be sweet and mature and have him life together. I want to go to the beach with some friends and feel totally comfortable, not like I have to hid behind a towel. I want to be intimate with someone without worrying about bending the wrong way or getting into the wrong lighting. I want to go to a New Years Eve party, or Valentine's Day ball, or a black-tie charity benefit and feel beautiful and confident. I want to be attractive as a fact, not an opinion.

Is this a good reason?

No. No it's not. It's a terrible reason. It's superficial and petty, and buying into it only makes me superficial and petty. I of course have other reasons too. My career is of course one, and knowing that my weight will never be the cause of any health issues. But these reasons ... well ... they just don't measure up. They just don't matter as much. I can't help it. I keep thinking about all the ways my life is going to change when I finally step on that scale and see 123, or 125, hell ... even 130! Some of these ways I really don't even want to admit, they are THAT ridiculous.

I feel like I'm thrown into seclusion because my reasons aren't as important as others. People on the Medifast boards are dropping 100+ pounds to save their lives. Even Andrea is diabetic, so dropping her weight is important to her health. But me? I'm healthy as a horse, and always have been. Even if I didn't lose another pound I don't think I would be putting my health into jeopardy. Does this mean I'm not as worthy to succeed in a diet? Should I feel guilty if I get there, and someone else "more worthy" does not? No, I don't think so. I think no matter your "reasons" for losing weight the ultimate goal is a good one, so why does it matter why you are getting there?

Maybe it doesn't and I'm just being silly. Maybe I'm worrying too much about the long term and need to focus more on what Medifast meal I'm going to eat next, or what ingredients I need to buy to cook tonight's Lean and Green, or how much water I need to drink today. Maybe everything will turn out fine and I'm just psyching myself out for no reason... or maybe...

Maybe the reason I'm freaking out so much about the long term is because I know this time I'm actually going to GET to the long term. Maybe that's reason enough...