A part of us fear reaching goal...Is this true? Are some of us afraid of achieving the one thing that we've worked so hard for? It's ridiculous to think about. Being thin is one of the most desired physical attributes, especially in today's image-driven society. Finally having the opportunity to look in the mirror without caring about what you are wearing and still feeling confident and sexy would be a dream come true, not to mention improving your health and general state of being. Why would anyone fear this outcome? But then it hit me...
Yes, it IS true!
I have been dieting and trying to lose weight my entire adult life and through most of my adolecense. I have always been the chubby girl with the great personality, the curvy girl who can make anyone laugh, the thicker girl who does really well in school. Never have I been the sexy girl who can get any guy she wants, the gorgeous girl who all of her friends envy, the hot girl who stops people in their tracks. Not that any of these things would be a terrible thing to be by any means, but at the same time it makes me wonder: will I lose the real me? The person I've been for 24 years. Will she vanish with my excess weight? I find a hard time believing she will, but the chance is always there.
And then there are other concerns too. I'm not the type of person to use my weight as an excuse for anything, but I will admit that there have been times when being just a little big was the reason I made up my mind one way or another: not auditioning for that role, not attending that party, not asking that guy for his phone number. And again, being able to do this things with nothing holding me back would be an amazing feeling, but I think all of us who are overweight have developed a certain comfort in knowing that certain things are just out of our reach. The reality that anything is possible with no limitations ... it's scary isn't it? And what about all of the countless hours, days, weeks, months, YEARS I've invested in dieting? What in the world will I focus on when losing weight is no longer a factor in my life? There are all kinds of stories about people who finally achieve a long-term goal and then they feel incomplete, like they'd lost something, or that it wasn't as great as they expected it to be. I would hate to put all of this work and effort into it and then wake up one day to realize that it wasn't what I thought it would be. When you can't blame it on being fat, what can you blame it on?
I have another 6-8 months to figure all of this out, but it's kind of a sobering thought... When I finally get there, when I'm no longer able to say, "I'm fat," ... will I be ready?
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