Letting Go

This will most likely be one of, if not the last post on this blog, for a variety of reasons.

I have realized over the course of the last 20 days (since my last post) that my anger and frustration for losing weight is simply that - anger and frustration for losing weight. It's not anger and frustration for teaching myself better habits, learning to cope with disappointments, rewarding myself for accomplishments, and all together making myself healthier and happier. I've realized I have been going about my journey all wrong, and now it's time for a change.

My journey with Medifast has been a struggle, a constant struggle, but I realize the reasons now. I realize my desire to drop my weight was my only desire. I realize I was never really planning on making a life change. I realize that the idea of "eating out of packets" was a short term fix, and therefore not something I could realistically carry with me for the rest of my life. However, looking to the future I am not afraid of making it to goal. I am not afraid that I won't know how or what to eat, how or when to exercise, how to find balance in my life. I am not afraid of those things. I am very confident in my abilities to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I've always said I use Medifast as a tool, not as the do-all-and-end-all of weight loss.

I have decided the best way for me to stay focused and finish what I've started is to stop sharing my journey. I will continue to share with a small handful of people that are close to me in my life, but to put myself out there on the web as I've been has only given me frustration and hurt. Everyone's journey is different. Everyone has obstacles that others don't have. Everyone has different reasons for how they got where they are. For me, I know who I am, what I want, and how I am going to get there.

Two weeks ago a friend of mine who soon will be moving to Chicago convinced me to run a half marathon with her in July. My first reaction to her suggestion was to laugh: I could NEVER do something like that. Then I sat back and thought, "Well, why not!? I am young, I am healthy, there is no logical reason why I should laugh at a suggestion like that." So, Monday, April 9 I began a 15-week training program to get me ready for the race. I'm two weeks in and I'm already starting to feel better about myself and what I am capable of.

In addition to the marathon I have a handful of other new additions in my life, which I won't reveal, that have helped me realize what I am worth. All along I was convincing myself I was losing weight for the right reasons. I wasn't. I was losing weight because I wanted to be thin and pretty and land a hot guy and enjoy the rest of my 20s like characters in a teen movie. Although all of these reasons will be in my mind and will always be there, my desire now is to simply make myself happy with who I am. Training for this half marathon will make me an athlete, something I have never been. That, coupled with my new love for cooking - from scratch - healthy foods for myself and friends will be something I can carry for the rest of my life.

Am I quitting Medifast? No. It is still going to be a tool I will use to get the rest of the weight off. I have decided that by my birthday (August 16) no matter where I am with weight loss I will quit the program and move to a whole foods approach, something I am very excited for. I am currently in the 150s and am confident I will only move down from here. Who knows, Medifast may get me to my goal by my birthday as I originally intended, but it may not. But either way, I will have found a new happiness. I will be thinner. I will be happier. I will have accomplished things. And I will have done it with the strength and perseverance from within me - not from others.

I know I will reach my goal weight. When I do, maybe I will return to this blog and share the rest of my story. For now, I am focusing on another blog that I hope to use to inspire others to find the inner strength I am in the process of finding for myself in regards to food, health, wellness, fitness, and all other aspects of a truly fulfilling life.

Thank you to the small handful of you who have been reading this blog and sharing your thoughts with me, and best of luck to everyone on their journeys.