Frustrated

Tomorrow will mark four weeks on Medifast, and although I'm happy with the 14 pound loss I've had so far, I'm incredibly frustrated at the 1.4 pound loss this last week. The week started off with the first two weigh-ins being -.6 - in other words, I lost .2 pounds in FIVE days! I'm really upset by this stall. I wanted to hit 170 by tomorrow, but unless something miraculous happens I don't think I will. The stall in my losses for those five days really hurt my averages and delayed my projected goal date. Not by much, but unless I make a turn around this week I'm afraid it's really going to set me back.

The fact of the matter is, I can't have any set backs. I have been fat 24 years too long and I refuse to be fat any longer! In the past when I have gone on diet programs, and even during my first round of Medifast, I never really gave myself a deadline. I didn't need to. I had no special events around the corner and to me it didn't make a difference when I lost the weight, as long as I lost it. This time around, different story. I have two weddings this summer, both for cousins on my dad's side of the family. Let me explain something about my dad's side of the family ... they are thin. Every single one of them. Not one of them is a single pound over weight. If anything, some of them are underweight. Whenever a family function comes up, I always feel like a disgusting blemish on my family's perfect complexion. Fortunately for me, the only family functions my dad's side takes part in is Christmas and an occasional summer barbecue. During Christmas I layer in a cute sweater, a trendy infinity scarf, and cute accessories, hiding my flab. The summer barbecues I usually "can't make" - it's just not worth the stress of trying to find something to wear since I'm not really close with anyone on that side anyway. Well ... both of these weddings are in the summer. They are formal events. And it's not like I can just say, "Oops, I have to sing at this benefit," or, "You know what, I have a miserable headache." No, I'm expected to go to these events. Most likely I will still be single, and therefore without a date, which is bad enough. I REFUSE to still be fat too.

I'm just angry. And I'm angry that I feel angry. 1.4 pounds is great - it's 1.4 pounds of fat that is no longer on my body. I should be thrilled! I'm moving in the right direction. Well - I'm not thrilled. I'm irritated. I feel blocked in a corner. I feel like I'm stuck, jammed into a tiny room grasping for air. I feel trapped. I guess that's what being fat feels like - trapped. I'm so tired of being trapped! And I'm so tired of being frustrated! *glances at scale* "MOVE DAMNIT!"